Tuesday, August 12, 2014

How to Not Change Your Name (In 22 Easy Steps)

Hello, Blogging World!

I am back, after a beautiful, intimate wedding ceremony, a fantastic minimoon across the bridge to Annapolis, and several back-to-back shifts at the restaurant.  Though I will most likely remain J. Lynn Meister here and in other writing endeavors in an attempt to not have to rebuild a reputation/following, the truth is:

I am now Mrs. Jenny McFadden.

But not yet... legally, anyway.

Though we were married nearly two weeks ago, today was the day I wanted to get the name change accomplished.  It was a week day off in which we had to make a trip to Denton for a few other reasons, so it was the perfect time to pick up the certified copy of the wedding license from the Caroline County Circuit Court and then continue on to the Social Security branch to present the proof of our marriage and request my name change.

Sounds simple enough, right?

Wrong.  May I present...

How to Not Change Your Name (In 22 Easy Steps)

1.  Drive over an hour to Denton, Maryland, to request a certified copy of your marriage license.
2.  Pay for, wait patiently for, and then receive said copy of marriage license.
3.  Notice that beneath a section labeled "Minister Return Authorizing Marriage," the license says "No information about marriage given."
4.  Ask the clerk if this is a problem.
5.  Try not to have a mini heart attack when clerk agrees that that actually is a problem, and questions whether or not officiant sent required paperwork.
6.  Explain that officiant should have sent paperwork morning of Thursday, July 31.
7.  Breathe a sigh of relief when clerk locates unprocessed paperwork (in what looked to be like a fairly large pile of unprocessed paperwork).
8.  Wait patiently as clerk prints and stamps a new certified marriage license.
9.  Set off for the social security branch office nearest to your home in Georgetown, Delaware.
10.  Fifty minutes later, get lost looking for said social security branch office in Georgetown, Delaware.
11.  Venture into Georgetown Town Hall to ask where social security branch office is located.
12.  Find out that social security office has relocated from Georgetown, Delaware, to Lewes, Delaware.
13. Get back into car to head to Lewes, Delaware, accidentally taking the wrong exit in the circle and having to get back on it to exit correctly, only to find that upon re-entering the circle, a bumper-to-bumper line of traffic that was non-existent moments before has suddenly materialized.
14.  Drive to Lewes, Delaware.
15.  Pass the new social security branch office, which is hidden in what looks to be like a brand new apartment complex, obscured in part by ongoing construction which forces unusual traffic patterns and diverts one's attention from the location of the office.
16.  Realize that you must have passed the new office, and search for a suitable place to turn around and find the office.
17.  Notice the all-but-hidden sign visible only from the direction in which you are now approaching, and attempt to turn into the parking lot in which the office must surely be located.
18.  Drive aimlessly around the parking lot of what is most definitely a brand new apartment complex, wondering where Social Security office is located, and why it is located here.
19.  Accidentally find Social Security office.
20.  Park car, grab marriage license and purse, exit car to enter office.
21.  Realize that office closed twenty minutes ago.
22.  Proceed to work, bummed out by the realization that you must now attempt the second half of this process again tomorrow morning before the next shift you work.  Knock over a traffic cone when pulling out into the lane-shifted vehicular pattern as you attempt to turn into the correct lane against oncoming traffic.

But at least now I know where this God forsaken office is.  And perhaps their ploy to camouflage themselves within an apartment building will work to my advantage and I won't have to deal with long lines of irritated customers.

Only time will tell, so on that note, I'd better get to bed so that I might get as much shut eye as is required after closing a restaurant in order to wake up early and venture onward to brave the Super Secret Social Security office in the morning.

This is Jenny McFadden, signing off to say, good night world, and thanks, as always, for reading.

Mr. and Mrs. McFadden, just after being introduced to the congregation as man and wife.


  1. For the last couple weeks, I was creeped out by people slowly driving through the Nassau Commons parking lot while I was taking my walk break. Finally one of them stopped to ask me where the Social Security office is and made me much less paranoid. You're not alone in having to get back on 9 and fight your way through the construction into that giant building!

  2. Aw man! I promise it's much easier to do the SS card than it is the license, despite your bad luck on your first go-round.

    And Kristin, the SS office creepers were ALLLL over the TNJ parking lot when I worked there. The office was just down the road. Get ready to answer that question a LOT.